Method - The first approach that may come to mind. Unless the foul creature is close to hand this would be best attempted only by those with a steady hand, a keen eye, and lots of ammunition. Aiming for the head can have the effect of blowing the head off and so leaving the re-animated corpse disorientated. Plus it is quite fun watching the creature stumble round blindly.

Pros - Can be carried out at a safe distance and will at least slow the Zombie down, allowing time for an escape or for someone (brave enough) to finish the job with knives.

Cons - Whilst temporary stopping the creature, it does not usually result in a kill and so requires further follow-up actions. Also has the effect of deafening the person next to you and annoying the hell out of them.

Rating - uuu

Method - A large knife is best for this approach (a sword would be even better if available). You will need to get very close to the creature. It is recommended that a colleague assists by distracting the Zombies attention (poking a tongue out appears to work well), or the undead is in some way incapacitated first (please note: kicking a zombie in the groin is not considered good form by those in the investigating business). This is a good technique when used in tandem with guns (see above).

Pros - If a sharp enough blade is used and you have the time, the creature can be chopped up thus permanently disabling it. Be warned zombies have been known to regenerate and be very irked.

Cons - Requires you to get close and personal with the zombie, putting you a great risk. Not for the faint hearted. Or the screamish.

Rating - uu

Method - For our research we opted for a shovel, although other suitably large and deadly objects would suffice. A blow to the head is required first to bring the brute down. Then you should move quickly to decapitate the creature with a swift and hard downward thrust to the neck. Thus incapacitated, you can proceed to remove limbs and so finally dispatching the fiend.

Pros - a good all-round weapon allowing you to dispatch a zombie fairly efficiently. Such weapons are also easily to hand and so handy if you are caught unprepared or if attacked on your allotment.

Cons - Such a bulky weapon requires both strength and agility to operate and also involves close contact.

Rating - uuuu

Method - Various flammable liquids are available to use as an accelerant, including oil, petrol, paraffin and even alcohol (as a last resort). A fair amount is required to provide sufficient combustion to ignite a zombie, particularly if they are fresh from the grave and still damp. We used the spontaneous approach of flinging a bottle filled with petrol in our experiment, but this technique also works well as a trap which can be prepared in advance by pouring your accelerant onto the ground and waiting for the zombie to stumble in before applying the necessary ignition (remember the fireworks code!).

Pros - Again, the wide choice of flammable agent available makes this a handy tool. You are able to keep your distance and proves very effective against several of the fiends at once. Makes a pretty display as well.

Cons - May take sometime to degrade the creature during which we found the beast tended to flay about setting alight to anything and anybody who it came into contact with. The smell of the undead burning is not very nice, either.

Rating - uuuu

Method - The sport of gentlemen perhaps, but be warned the Marquise of Queensbury did not expect that the noble art of Boxing would be used against zombies. Being the foul festering creatures that they are, do not expect a clean fight. Scratching and biting are all used by these creatures (leaving very nasty infected wounds).

Pros - When caught unarmed this may be your only option, short of running away.

Cons - An important point to remember is that with particularly rancid zombies an exchange of blows would prove very messy indeed.

Rating - u

Method  Definitely not one for any weaklings. This tricky manoeuvre requires you to grapple the walking cadaver, putting it in a headlock with your left arm. When securely held you should form a fist with your right hand raising you middle knuckle above the others and grinding it on the creature's head with a firm and vigorous circular motion. Another closely related method is the 'Chinese bum'.

Pros - Is a good morale builder if carried of successfully.

Cons  Getting this close to a zombie without a weapon is for the insane only. It is also more likely to infuriate the creature than subdue it.

Rating - u (but uuuuu  for comedy effect).

Note: Must not be used in the presence of ladies or royalty)

Method - The working classes will tend to do best at this one, so if you have any suitably coarse mouthed employees amongst your staff they could assist you. As the title suggests this approach involves shouting profanities at the creature. Suggesting it has no father and insulting its mother etc. are good starting points.

Pros - None that we can think of.

Cons - So ineffective was this technique that our volunteer sadly lost his life during our experiment. Just plain silly.

Rating - X